Identity

I remember being in Austin for a weekend when I was a freshman in college. I wasn't drinking or smoking that weekend, and some douchey dude said something that has stuck with me. He mentioned that he had heard the phrase "I quit myself" when referring to not partaking in one's vices, as I was doing. I find this to be true. Heather and I went to a concert tonight, and I didn't have a beer. I didn't have a cigarette. I didn't have a slice of pizza. All three looked good. And, I am pretty sure that I'll have all three again. It's cool to talk about how I'm somehow more than that, but my mental image of myself is someone who drinks, smokes, and eats. Someone who gobbles life. Miller Lite from a can is home.

While I was contemplating this, my twitter timeline blew up with the news of Josh Hamilton's relapse. Not surprised. I think Josh Hamilton has some of the same issues of identity. He sees himself as a drinker and a partier. Because he's famous and has identified himself as an addict, he doesn't have the same leeway to make choices about falling back into his identity. I wish he was allowed to have fun, but he can't. Sometimes, we have to change who we see ourselves to be in order to live the lives we have set up for ourselves.

I won't pretend to know Josh Hamilton's situation. I don't. But, I'm guessing it's a conflict of identity. And, because I understand that from my life, I feel badly for him.

Here's to hoping he figures it out. Cheers.